Out with the old....

 The year 2012 was a life-changing year, to say the least. First off, My children's father, my ex-husband, unexpectedly died in his sleep at the young age of 61. It was heartbreaking to watch my children go through this and mourn their father. I was also so proud of how my son, the youngest of the kids, stepped up and took care of the arrangements and business at hand. His dad would have been very proud.  It also had a very unexpected and  profound effect on me. Of course he was my children's father and we were childhood sweethearts, but I didn't expect it to be so gut wrenching.  It hurt a lot, a whole lot when he died. We were suppose to grow old together...so I just assumed we would grow old apart, too!

 Nine months later my Mom went to Heaven. Talk about tearing my heart out! I lost my best friend! My confidant! My shoulder to cry on! My rock! What the heck am I going to do now? I don't know how to go on. I just want her back! I don't see how God could need her more than I do!

 And if that wasn't enough to turn my world upside down,  my dog, Lady, followed Mom to heaven! For Heaven's sake. What is God thinking? He is taking people, and my dog, and my birds that flew away I have had for 7 years! Am I going to be stripped of everything I love? I don't dare ask, "What next"?

Then to beat all, my son hit a milestone and turned thirty! Thirty!!! My baby boy is Thirty! He is such a wonderful man, and I am really proud of who he is. I hope he knows this.

We have a new dog. He will never fill the place of Lady, but we will love him.  Nick wanted a  Chihuahua ( I had to copy and paste it to spell it correctly!), so I had gotten him one for Christmas. He named him "Cowboy", I nicknamed him, "Sir Shizalot", the name is self explanatory!

  My eldest daughter and her youngest son moved in with us in October of last year. That has been a big change for all of us. I think we are all finally adjusting. It doesn't matter how much family loves each other, it is still an adjustment when you live under the same roof!

 Enough said!

 Now I am  packing and cleaning Mom's house. It is no longer the same. It's sad that when I go there  it's not like she had it. I wish we could have just left it the way she had it forever.

I am hoping in spite of, and with all the changes,  things will look up. I expect a bright future. For God has made a promise. Jer. 29:11 and I am going to hold Him to it! 

Rest in Peace my Lady!

Today we lost our family pet, Lady . We have had her for about 7 or 8 years. She was a great dog. Beautiful little white furry thing. She loved to run....especially when I was trying to get her back in the house! She use to sneak out the front door every chance she got, and run around the neighborhood until she got tired and ready to come home. One of my neighbors was forever calling me saying Lady was at her house. She developed mammary gland tumors...which were malignant....I never thought I would have a dog that would have breast cancer! The tumors could not be removed and have been multiplying and growing huge, then abscessing and bleeding. She was continuing to get weaker and weaker. I couldn't stand to see her suffer. 

I love you, Lady. I'm going to miss you so much!

Kiley in deep thought!

The day of moms funeral, we all went back to her house afterwards. The adults were inside talking...Kiley was outside thinking!

Today is Sunday, the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it! As I sit here reading Facebook, IMing a friend, and working on my blog, there are tears streaming down my face. I really don't know why they won't stop coming other than I simply miss my mother so much. I wish I could be stronger or happier that she is in Heaven with God, but the truth is, selfishly I want her here with me. I guess it's wrong to be that selfish, but God forgive me I am. I have lived almost every day of my 56 years with my mother here on earth to talk to, see, and lean on. I feel so lost without her. It's not that I particularly have one certain thing that I need for her to do, I just want to see her, talk to her, hug her. I look around at her things, which bring me some comfort to be near, because they are things she loved and enjoyed, I read her poems that she wrote, cards that we exchanged over the years, I go to her house and bask in her presence, For it is there that she feels the most real, I know one day I will have to let go, but for now, just a little while, I need to hold on to her.