There comes a time in life

when it's time to grow up and put your big girl/boy pants on! There's a time to start taking care of your own needs and responsibilities. The world doesn't owe us anything! Neither does your parents or the government, after you are "of age". Somewhere along the line, society has failed their "children". We stopped raising them to be independent adults. We gave them too much. They didn't have to work or save for anything. They were raised with a "now" mentality. Buy now...pay later..or not! I see little kids walking around with Ipads, Iphones, wearing $100 shoes and gucci purses...or the latest trends when their parents are working two jobs and can barely pay the house note or rent. One young mom I know was telling me once she could not afford to take her sick son to the doctor, but the next week SHE was getting a boob-job! There's just something wrong with that way of thinking! For the most part, we have raised a "ME Generation". These are some of the most narcissistic human beings I have ever encountered.  I wish I could say I was exempt from the list, but I am not. I believe this mentality started with my generation. It just escalates with each new generation. 

We have buried ourselves in debt with "wants" rather than needs. Just for the sake of looking good, having the latest gadget, or being like everyone else!

There was a time when a coke and candy bar would be a "treat". Something you saved for and only got once in a blue moon....Now we think nothing of stopping at the quick mart and grabbing one on a daily basis. There was a time when you only had one pair of shoes for every day wear and a pair for church,  and those were usually hand-me-downs, now we have as many as our closet will hold! There was a time when going out to eat was for a special occasion, now it's a special occasion if we eat at home!

There was a time when there was only one TV in the house and everyone sat in the family room to watch whatever their parents decided....now there's a TV in every room, complete with cable, DVR, game systems..and a computer or tablet, if you don't like what's on TV! Personally, I think we have done a disservice to our children and our children's children. This is a generalization and not meant to point fingers . If you raised your kids to be independent and responsible adults who don't suck the life out of you, I applaud you! 

Today, I will think about every dime I spend and ask...is this a necessity? I will give my "grown" children liberty, when they "want" me to do what is their responsibility, I will tell them it's their responsibility and they should do it.  After all, it is my responsibility to allow them to be responsible!

More than I Can Handle...

The Lord promises to not give us more than we can handle....well we are on a fine line here! I am walking a tightrope without a balance pole! It's just about more than I can handle! On Friday, my husband was admitted to the hospital with symptoms of a kidney/UT infection. Today, diagnosed with recurrent Renal Cell Carcinoma!

 In 2003 he underwent a very lengthy nephrectomy (removal of his left kidney) along with part of his spleen, liver, and pancreas. Renal Cell Carcinoma (kidney cancer) had metastasized itself to those organs as well as grown a huge tumor the size of a football into his kidney. He came through the surgery with flying colors. Praise God! The cancer seemed to be gone....for almost ten years. Now it's reared it's ugly head again! What happened, Lord?

The doctor said it's a blessing he got an infection, otherwise we might not have found the cancer until it was too late...whatever that means. I just pray it's not "too late" now! I am trying to be optimistic about all of this, it's just a little hard to be optimistic, or even trust doctors, at this point. I just lost Mom, two months ago! What the heck? I don't know what God's thinking! He must have a plan, because I sure don't! I don't think He understands how much losing Mom hurt...now to deal with this! It's too much! We have plans...plans for a future! It does not include Kidney Cancer! 

My kids lost their dad a year ago next month. Nick has been a dad to them since they were small. It's too much for them, also. 

So that being said, I give it to the Lord, because it's more than I can handle! 

Out with the old....

 The year 2012 was a life-changing year, to say the least. First off, My children's father, my ex-husband, unexpectedly died in his sleep at the young age of 61. It was heartbreaking to watch my children go through this and mourn their father. I was also so proud of how my son, the youngest of the kids, stepped up and took care of the arrangements and business at hand. His dad would have been very proud.  It also had a very unexpected and  profound effect on me. Of course he was my children's father and we were childhood sweethearts, but I didn't expect it to be so gut wrenching.  It hurt a lot, a whole lot when he died. We were suppose to grow old together...so I just assumed we would grow old apart, too!

 Nine months later my Mom went to Heaven. Talk about tearing my heart out! I lost my best friend! My confidant! My shoulder to cry on! My rock! What the heck am I going to do now? I don't know how to go on. I just want her back! I don't see how God could need her more than I do!

 And if that wasn't enough to turn my world upside down,  my dog, Lady, followed Mom to heaven! For Heaven's sake. What is God thinking? He is taking people, and my dog, and my birds that flew away I have had for 7 years! Am I going to be stripped of everything I love? I don't dare ask, "What next"?

Then to beat all, my son hit a milestone and turned thirty! Thirty!!! My baby boy is Thirty! He is such a wonderful man, and I am really proud of who he is. I hope he knows this.

We have a new dog. He will never fill the place of Lady, but we will love him.  Nick wanted a  Chihuahua ( I had to copy and paste it to spell it correctly!), so I had gotten him one for Christmas. He named him "Cowboy", I nicknamed him, "Sir Shizalot", the name is self explanatory!

  My eldest daughter and her youngest son moved in with us in October of last year. That has been a big change for all of us. I think we are all finally adjusting. It doesn't matter how much family loves each other, it is still an adjustment when you live under the same roof!

 Enough said!

 Now I am  packing and cleaning Mom's house. It is no longer the same. It's sad that when I go there  it's not like she had it. I wish we could have just left it the way she had it forever.

I am hoping in spite of, and with all the changes,  things will look up. I expect a bright future. For God has made a promise. Jer. 29:11 and I am going to hold Him to it! 

Rest in Peace my Lady!

Today we lost our family pet, Lady . We have had her for about 7 or 8 years. She was a great dog. Beautiful little white furry thing. She loved to run....especially when I was trying to get her back in the house! She use to sneak out the front door every chance she got, and run around the neighborhood until she got tired and ready to come home. One of my neighbors was forever calling me saying Lady was at her house. She developed mammary gland tumors...which were malignant....I never thought I would have a dog that would have breast cancer! The tumors could not be removed and have been multiplying and growing huge, then abscessing and bleeding. She was continuing to get weaker and weaker. I couldn't stand to see her suffer. 

I love you, Lady. I'm going to miss you so much!

Kiley in deep thought!

The day of moms funeral, we all went back to her house afterwards. The adults were inside talking...Kiley was outside thinking!

Today is Sunday, the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it! As I sit here reading Facebook, IMing a friend, and working on my blog, there are tears streaming down my face. I really don't know why they won't stop coming other than I simply miss my mother so much. I wish I could be stronger or happier that she is in Heaven with God, but the truth is, selfishly I want her here with me. I guess it's wrong to be that selfish, but God forgive me I am. I have lived almost every day of my 56 years with my mother here on earth to talk to, see, and lean on. I feel so lost without her. It's not that I particularly have one certain thing that I need for her to do, I just want to see her, talk to her, hug her. I look around at her things, which bring me some comfort to be near, because they are things she loved and enjoyed, I read her poems that she wrote, cards that we exchanged over the years, I go to her house and bask in her presence, For it is there that she feels the most real, I know one day I will have to let go, but for now, just a little while, I need to hold on to her.

When I look in the mirror,

Oh, what do I see?

I see the image of my Soul,

Staring back at me.

It's not a beauty queen,

Nor an ogre girl;

Just something in-between;

Like an uncultured pearl.

For the image that I see,

Is deeper than the glass;

It's what's inside my Soul,

My body, I see right past.

Some of you see your flaws,

Others of you see a need;

To change your appearance,

But I, see a Spirit to feed.

If I am made in His image,

I can only hope to see;

When I get to Heaven,

God smiling back at me!

Donna Askew

January 19, 2013

Hat of Many Colors

I was thinking of all the hats my mom had and how she always wore one when playing golf. I know she used them as a shield from the sun, but that was not their only purpose. When she did something, she did it all the way! She gave it 110 %!  She dressed the part, learned the rules, the etiquette, watched the pros, played with vigor!  She was always courteous, letting those who played faster or a smaller group play around her. She would invite anyone who was playing alone to join her. She never threw her clubs or cursed a bad stroke she made. In all, she was the perfection of a sportsman....or sportswoman in this case. Here is a poem I found while cleaning out her house after she died tucked away in a cookbook....of all places. There were about 100 copies of it, as if she were going to pass it out at a WGA (Woman's Golf Association) event.

I am a golfer, a "real" golfer,

With a desire to prove it so;

I'll obey the rules as taught to me,

And learn those I do not yet know.

I'll be kind and considerate to beginners,

A good example, I pledge to set;

And as a "real" golfer,

There are things I'll try to never forget.

Like: The marshals are the starters friends,

With only a job to do;

Therefore, I'll yield to their "on course rules",

As any "real" golfer will do.

I'll teach my slow playing buddies,

The art of keeping the pace;

I'll repair any ball mark I make,

Any divot I'll promptly replace.

I'll treat the pros in the pro shop,

With the proper respect of the day;

For it is they who have made possible,

This wonderful game that we play.

I'll count my strokes fairly and squarely,

No cheating, in any way;

For sand bagging is much like stealing,

And is sure to haunt you someday.

I'll observe the wonders of nature,

Protecting what the Lord has created;

I'll bask in each round He allows me,

And all blessings therein delegated.

I'll invite into my threesome,

Any single who straggles up;

And I'll never, ever use my putter,

To retrieve my ball from the cup.

I'll not drag my feet 'cross the greens,

Oh, what a mess that makes;

Or drive a cart onto par threes,

Never---for goodness sakes!

I promise not to hit into others,

It's a dangerous thing to do;

I beg you to refrain form doing that, also,

Would you like it done to you?

I'll remember that golf was designed,

To be a sporting, gentleman's game;

Pledging to conduct myself,

In a manner resembling the same.

Now, that I've been to the driving range,

And tested the practice green;

I'm ready to tee up my ball,

And see if I can get in eighteen.

So, with all of the above in mind,

The picture I'd like to portray;

Is an honest, considerate, consummate "real" golfer,

Even though it's not very well that I play.

written by :   Peggy Faulk Ellender

   

Mom's Hats

I've hung them all,
Each and every one;
On this very wall,
In rememberence of your fun.

You wore them with such grace,
Sporting each one with pride;
They adorned your sweet face,
Your honor true and tried.

Oh! Your head these hats veiled,
While on the  course you played;
You're sportsmanship excelled,
Never faltering either way.

I've heard many a story,
From friends on the course, and off too;
Their enamore of your grace and glory,
And what they thought of you.

You left a legacy here,
Not soon forgotten by those;
Who to many you were so dear,
Surely our God  knows!

Today I sent you on your way,
Your soul gone ahead;
It wasn't easy to let you go,
I want you here instead.
In a better place you are.
I know this to be true;
I'd still wish upon a star,
To have more time with you.

For my mom  Dec 14 2012

Respect~the other act of love

Respect is hard one for me. I want it, need it, and definately expect it from my husband, children, grandchildren, friends, family members, piers, co-workers, etc. We all want it. We should be quick to give it...though we don't always. The bible says "Therefore since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace,by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence (respect) and godly fear (respect).  Heb 12:28    Today, I will make a covenant with God to respect my fellow man, especially my husband. I am so guilty of not showing my husband the respect God wants me to show. There is no one besides God that we should show more respect than the person we are married to. We took a vow before God to "love and respect", the two should go together. You  cannot show one without the other. How can you love a man or woman you do not respect?

Wow! I cannot believe it has almost been almost two years since I blogged! As I was reading past posts, I thought, who wrote these? LOL This was a very wise woman...This woman is pretty smart! LOL I had to recheck to make sure they were MY blogs. Now I am wondering where did all my wisdom go? Where did my faith falter? When did I lose all that confidence? Where has all my joy gone? Have I allowed the devil in to steal my joy? Has lack of control over circumstances stolen my confidence? Has my wisdom turned into the unknown? This woman had it together! Where is she now?!!! 
Well, a lot has happened. Life changing experiences. Some I will share, some not. Most recently, I lost my Mom, friend, confident. I still have a hard time believing it's real. I pick up the phone to call her...only to remember she won't answer. I think, I have to go by Mom's for this or that...only to remember, she's not there. Every day is a new reminder that I will never see her on this earth again. I miss her so much!
My eldest daughter and her son moved in with us a few months ago. As much as I love my children, it is an adjustment for everyone when two families live in the same household. Especially when they have children of their own. 
In March of 2011, I lost my step-father. He was a wonderful man. The epitome of a gentleman. He put my mother up on a pedal-stool and treated her with the up-most respect. I don't think she was ever happy after he died. She missed him very much. It hurt to see her so sad and lonely for him.

Today I thought I would fill you in on the last two years. It's been pretty much a roller coaster ride. I am hoping we are coming to the smooth part. I know God has been with me through it all, else I would not have made it. I think now I will pull my boots up by the straps and continue on. For if God be for me, who can be against me?